Unsent text message to Rebecca

I’m sorry.

I hope the new house is becoming everything you dreamed it would.

I’ve thought about you probably 90% of my time spent awake since we last talked/saw each other.

I have anxiety thinking about what it would be like to run into you in public, something that is likely eventually given your recent move…

If you want me to, I can wear your face,

Laugh at your jokes, then erase every trace.

Say what you need, play the part that you crave,

Walk into your world like a ghost from the grave…

Please take an objective look back at where you were when you met and the choices you have made for yourself after your breakup.

Are you in the gym? Eating better? Putting yourself first? Taking care of your responsibilities? Did you seek therapy or give up some vices?

If you can answer yes to one or more of the above…

You had nothing to lose by telling me the truth. You’d seen my flaws, my fears and insecurities, my joys and hopes, I let you in, and either you couldn’t or wouldn’t do the same. You still chose to lie, thinking it would somehow be easier than telling the truth, when the truth would have hurt less, when the truth…

Can I call you? I miss feeling safe.

I like posting here about you because it kind of feels like screaming into the void, and that helps a bit, surprisingly. Anyway. My toe hurts a bit and I'm sick again, unsurprisingly. Miss you 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 Love you take care etc mwah mwah