iMessage
Hey, you didn’t send me a birthday message this year, I was hoping you would, I did get a DM the day before though, but it got unsent, I wonder if that could have been you. I think you’ve finally had enough of me and my lack of just about everything. I am so sorry, for all of it. You’re a great person and you deserve the world.
I wish I was more upfront with you, it’s been almost a year since I’ve seen you now, and I’m still obsessed with you. But I came to the realisation that I am simply incapable of feeling loved. I know you tried. I am just too insecure and I was hoping that with time it would pass. But I’ve been this way for so long it seems that no matter what I do i can’t get rid of it. You are probably aware that I rarely drink due to my lifestyle, and when I did, it was also the only time I ever reached out, and it was always some last minute ******** and just inconvenient timing for you.
Every time I was in the area I was hoping I’d run into you, I’m not big on texting at all, and I prayed on the possibility of it going differently if I could actually speak to you. But, I never did see you. And now, everyone I know that’s lived there has moved out, so I have no reason to go there anymore.
But let’s be real, what would’ve actually happened? I feel completely unlovable, and even with you still attempting to reach out to me for so long, despite my lack of reciprocation, I still refuse to believe it would actually get anywhere, because of me. I’ve left you on read for the first time a couple months ago. It took everything not to reply, but it was for your sake. You’re out of my league, and I still don’t know how you gave me any time of day in the first place. I don’t think I’ll ever forget you, as funny as that sounds considering our short time together. Despite all the opportunities I’ve had, I still only see you. I’m sorry for stringing you along for so long, I guess it was just wishful thinking when I thought I’d actually get better. I did the same thing to you a couple of years ago, I clearly haven’t changed a bit. I feel like I wasted so much of your time, although it was never my intention, I just thought I’d heal.
I wish you all the best, You’re beautiful inside and out.
Love, B
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