iMessage
I write messages online to help process all these thoughts I can't share with you but part of me hopes you'll encounter them. Have you seen them? I worry how they'd come across on their own. There's so much I haven't taken accountability for but I avoid the specifics online. I don't want to push examining painful experiences on you without you agreeing to the discussion but I worry focusing on other things instead could come across as intentional avoidance. I know you wouldn't really be the person to ask these questions but I worry about how you would feel reading the fantasies I dream I could message you.
Do posts expressing remorse that skirt the edges of painful topics come across as me avoiding the details that make me look bad? Does sharing sentiments of love or remorse just come across as insincere when there hasn't been acknowledgement of all the ways i hurt you? Does it also look ****** receiving the support and soothing advice from others without them seeing all the broader context?
Part of me hopes you'll see the messages when I post a thought or feeling but they're not really what I feel I'd next need to say to you in reality. Is it naive of me or just self soothing pretending we're even close to a point where you'd appreciate anything except acknowledgement of all the ways I hurt you? Am I being insincere addressing messages to you which somewhat ignore how you'd actually feel receiving them? They're unsent for a reason but then I shouldn't be hoping you find them and probably should make sure there's no way you can in case.
This whole post is probably just another example of tunnel vision and misunderstanding you. Well it's probably more just blatant fantasy and concerning that I'm actually worrying about you even seeing this.
Message Unsent