Unsent text message to Gavin

i'm so excited for you to see how good i loook.... apparently you can get back down to your normal weight by being sick on antibiotics for 2 months. i dont even look like my residency headshot anymore. my dad said "you don't look like bxxxx anymore" and my PT yelled at me for losing too much weight (unintentionally)…

You told me once that you like horror movies. Idk why that surprised me so much. I told you that I’m always scared and hate watching them alone. My mind is just waaaaay too over-active and every little sound spooks the **** out of me. If we watched one together would you let me hang out after? Like all night? Or would…

Hey Babe,

It’s been a horrible day..

I wanted to tell you all about it, but every time I reach for you it’s like placing my hand on a hot stove. I reach, I snatch my hand back, keep trying other ways to bypass the heat…

Only now the pain is getting worse as my hand is blistered. I’ve stopped reaching.. It’s hurting…

I wonder if I’m ever the reason for your sleepless hours the way you’re often the cause of mine.

You at the end of the day deserve it. You weren't always the kindest nor was I. You wanted a commitment from me desperately that you never gave. I hope you stay happy I hope the excitement you feel with them never fades I hope you never have wandering eyes or regrets. I hope you never let resentments fester. I hope…

The chemistry we had, the conversations, the tension—I know those were real. I know you said you had already given me chances, and that we didn’t match because I was too emotional for you. But sometimes, I can’t help feeling like there are still words left unsaid on your end, like a part of you wanted this to work…