Unsent text message to Natalie

I'm the reason they stayed and the reason they can't anymore ... I'm going to make some terrible decisions this week...

Do you know how much it hurt to be left by you? How much it still hurts? And ***** me? And pains me? And devours me? You don’t. You don’t and that’s why you’re not here.

f* hell i wanna write you so badly!!! I know we are both fault in this but sometimes i hate you and hate everything about this but most of the time i miss you so much.. I love you, love you... was it that hard to just said last words for me?! f hell!!!!! this is where im rn!

I wish you’d reach out. I wish I didn’t think about you every single day. I am tired. I hope to walk these streets one day without remembering our hugs, our laughter, our first date. I can't even walk past the doorway where we kissed for the first time. I hate that I can’t erase those memories and walk through this…

i will reach for someone and they will reach right back. maybe even reach first. let my heart rest a while.

someday.

i hope.

I think I'll miss you for the rest of my life. Wish I could have gotten along with you. I wish I didn't have all this rage and sadness I get when I talk to you. But when I think of you I never know what to do. I'm sorry about everything, veec.