Unsent text message to Lucas

I need to stop reading these. There is this stupid sliver of hope that maybe it's you. Finally. Anyways ending in disappointment. Why does it mean forever to me? I wish it didn't. I wish I wasn't already forgotten.

mad at you, to be clear. none of this had to be this way. i know you have at least enough intelligence to realize that, do you not?

Crazy how much time I spent defending myself against accusations that turned out to fit the accuser a whole lot better than they ever fit me.

I was told I wanted to “**** around.” I didn’t. But we know who did.

I was told I wasn’t over my past. I was. And now we know who wasn’t.

Funny how I spent years defending myself…

I’m in love with you and I can’t help it

Hi,

It’s me. I’m so ******* sorry. I’m such a huge **** up. I know you probably never want to talk to me again. You made that pretty clear. I just wanted to say hi. I miss you. I know that’s not even fair to say. I hope you’re doing well. I’m sorry for everything I did to ruin this. I take full responsibility. I mean…

I miss you samantha smith. With everything in me. You were and are my everything. I still wish I could talk to you sometimes. Even if im different now and I dont know if youd like me or not.