Unsent text message to Joshua

Hi. It would’ve been 4 years on 29th of this month. We are definitely over this and so much better now on our own but every time someone ***** up I think of you. I think of how you’d try to fix, what you would’ve done. Sometimes I think of how you’d always handle everything so well. I always made sure I was busy…

You ******* me in the back and you pretend you’re the one bleeding.

There are days when I hate myself for loving you, even now, after all the hurt. There are times when I hate helping you keep house and cook meals. There are days when I hate myself for coming to your aid when you called for help. When I see the solicitor bill and know there’s more to come, the financial,order that…

I'm doing ******* great without you. I made it through the horrendous divorce and financial hole you put me in. I have a house now, I'm more than financial stable and I'm better than I've ever been. My dogs don't remember you, and I literally never think about you at all except when I passed by an abandoned Winnebago…

I still miss you, and I ******* hate it.

I don’t want to miss you. You were my friend for a long time, and then you betrayed me worse than I could have imagined. When I explain to people what happened, most of them are like “***? sue that guy!”

But I don’t want to “sue that guy”.

I want to understand that guy. I want to…

The space you left behind. I love you