iMessage
It's been 4 years now. Since the last time I saw your smile. Since I felt your warmth. Since I had everything I could ever want in a wife. Since we got each other sober. We were each others reason to do better. We were each others new high....
Since the worst pain I've ever felt. Since the betrayal that would equal a lifetime movie of the week. Since you broke me. Since I watched you leave with him....
And I still think of you daily. Miss you constantly. I still ask WHY daily. I still don't let anyone close enough to hurt me again, willingly sliding deeper into my depression and losing touch with reality by doing so.
I never imagined that day we lost our son, I was losing you too and didn't know it. Didn't see it. AND I F*CKING SHOULD HAVE 😔😔😔
I still think about the smile and pure happiness on your face when I made you're grandma's old recipes cause I asked you mom for them when you were feeling homesick. The joy I felt seeing smile, knowing I made you smile like that, that I made you happy.
You y queen. My everything. And my weakness. It took the death of Hope, and the embarrassment and stupidity you made me feel for loving you so much to let you go. To make me stop trying, no matter how many times you went back to him.
I still remember the moment I knew it was hopeless. The moment I saw in your eyes, you didn't care if I lived or d*ed anymore, when I would have eagerly ate a bullet to save you at any moment.
And I think about how the person I've seen since that day.... Hasn't been you. You haven't been you in 4 or 5 years now. And "you" are an amazing woman, strong and can make her own way, is not dependent or submissive like you are now. I wish I could get "you" to come back to life again.
It took a lot of love to hate you the way I do Brittany.... And as much as I wish I was stronger... Id probably let you do it all over again to have you back.
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