Unsent text message to Lucas

You have broken my heart more times than anyone else. Can you just stop? I don't care what feelings you have or don't have. I can't take it anymore.

I want you I miss you I think about you nonstop I want to be with you How do I be with you How do I make you happy Just tell me what to do

I can tell you’re thinking about it- just do it. I can’t reach out to you, the ball is in your court.

Stop being a coward and step forward.

I guess you really have to believe all this crazy stuff you say. You have to believe i cheated because otherwise i just didn't want to be with you and actually did everything as correct as i could. I left you because you have a metal breakdown monthly. You only take it out on me. You refuse to get help.

Well I feel relieved I guess but more than that I feel kind of foolish. I’ve been spending everyday now for months inside the void searching, attempting to communicate with and hoping I’d find my person. Kind of pathetic isn’t it? Well it is when you are given information about your person…

Someone gave me some drugs and now instead of a clear path it’s blurred. I can see the end I could always see the end but like any good book it’s the stuff between that I typically can also see. Pondering the orb to figure out the messes I’ve made along the way. I need to figure out when politics got mixed up. Maybe…