Unsent text message to Trevor

There's no way to tell you this, but the pain still hits me sometimes out of nowhere. You appeared in my dreams fairly recently, but your eyes were reproachful.

It feels like the beginning of a book. There is so much to say, and once again, I have to be clever with my words, at the risk of binding myself to that trap…

It would have been a lot easier to move on had the relationship been toxic. But it wasn't. It was everything we had been looking for. You made me feel seen and safe, made me feel loved. You told me the same. I deserved better than the excuses you gave. We promised each other no matter what. You were saying things were…

I think we could do it. We don't need to fix everything, we can just relax and enjoy each other and not be so afraid. We can talk it through, all we need is communication, everything else is amazing. You don't need to be perfect, I'm not perfect, but we were perfect as a team.

I want to make popcorn with our popcorn…

It’s funny, I actually passed you on the road earlier This one cardi b song was playing, you most likely didn’t know I liked that kind of music, but the lyrics were saying “you’s a ***** from birth, you just grew a third leg” Ngl it was perfect timing because that’s how I really felt You’re a grown *** man but can’t…

I woke up today and I feel like I see clearly now.

It has been exactly 15 months - living in this event horizon...this strange cosmic pull towards you. Consuming me rather than feeding me.

I am just not interested in this anymore. I still love you as a person, as a friend, and I even hope we still stay in contact and…

Today you sat and spent lots of time typing on your phone, it’s never out of your hand these days, yet here I am, in the room and you barely speak. So much time as friend, lover and confidant and yet your words and attention lie in a digital world. I feel we have lots to say, words to exchange but you’re down the…