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i'm trying really, really hard. you said this "really sucks". i don't think you know how badly this sucks for me, at least. it sucks more than most things that have happened to me, and that's saying A LOT. Some days just feel like a lie. What am I doing? Why am I doing it? I only want to share all this BLAH with one person, and the universe said i can't. you are the brightest light in my life. i don't know how to turn it down. it's been well over 2 years now and the feeling won't go away. i don't want it to go away. this is some sort of mental, physical, spiritual, romantic torture. teach me how to pretend. you're so good at it, please tell me what you do to pretend it away. and still feel like you're living authentically. you know, "true to yourself". How?
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