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I see people in love all the time. The kind of love where they can freely be together without any problems, and no one bats an eye at them. Gosh, I wish we could have had that. I envy them because I can never have that, well at least not with you. I hate how things are, and I hate the internal conviction I get every time I call you baby cause aren’t we just friends? Sometimes I wish nothing had ever happened between us; I would have been saner. Now, it just feels like doom and despair. Not always, thank God, but the feeling is there.
I live in a world in my head where we get to be together without our families and society making it an issue. Just you and me, somewhere far away. However, that’s not something I can afford right now due to my moral obligations and responsibilities. And I’m pretty sure deep down, you would also prefer your family’s interests at the end of the day, which is good for you. We can never be together. I am the most temporary person you will ever have, but I am just happy I won’t be on the list of people who did you dirty. I hope you’ll remember me only for the good.
I hope you find the love you deserve, and I hope I find mine. Maybe we wouldn’t have worked out anyway, or maybe I would have tried harder for us. Maybe all of this is stupid and I’ll laugh at it a couple of years from now, but right now, it feels so real. I hope our feelings die in silence and we never have to talk about this to a third person, because what we had was special to me at one point, and I don’t find sharing it anywhere appropriate.
It’s funny how a couple of months back, I genuinely did not give a ****. You were just a guy and I was just a girl who had a lot going on. Though I’m glad we got close, I wish things were different and we didn’t have all this going on. I know people who know about this are judging, but God knows how much I wanted this. This isn’t meant for me, apparently. You weren’t meant for me. I think maybe we both deserve better because, again, even if things had aligned, we might not have worked out. I don’t know, I just feel like it might not have, despite our current limitations. Or maybe that’s just something I say to convince myself so I won’t feel so bad about it all. We’ll never know.
My friends will throw a fridge at me if they know I feel like this still, after everything. But oh well.
I hope you are well, wherever you are. Take care.
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