Unsent text message to Maya

Cause I knew I’d always miss you and always let you back in. It’s strange because though I love deeply, I’m good at letting go those who have wronged me time and time again. But for some reason you’ve always had a pull on me. It’s dangerous at this point. I have too much to focus on. I just wish somehow, someway, you…

Do you think of me? Do you ever miss me? Do you ever get reminded of me? Will you ever make your way back to me? I blocked you on everything except IMessage, you have the chance to reach out; please do - it feels wrong for me to try

I didn't mean to take forever to call you back. Life got in the way. You see that I tried. Twice.

Please trust that I do want to talk to you. As far as all of that trying to get over you.. Sorry, no. It's me trying to trick myself.

If you only knew how much you're still on my mind...

Please call me again, A. I'll answer.

"have you ever seen someone flinch at a sunbeam?"

— my brother, about me

Why is it so hard to let you go? To let my heart love someone else? Someone who will love me like I deserve. No matter how much time goes by I still can't fathom loving someone the way I still love you. I need to let you go. You'll never choose me, it will always be her.

I’m not silent because I’m processing or being avoidant. I’m silent because I don’t want to go to jail.

You wronged me, they wronged me. Laughed about it all night behind my back.

I walked away you keep reaching out, I don’t respond.

It’s been a year, give it up…