iMessage
I know I already apologized for how I have acted or hurt you but I feel the need to do it again.
I’m sorry for putting so much pressure on you for my emotional wellbeing
I’m sorry I wasn’t on top of my therapy and meds the way I should have been during our relationship
I’m sorry I yelled and said hurtful things to you That I made you feel less than because you were struggling in your own life, and that I made our relationship the center of mine
That I was always trying to be understood rather to understand
That I put you on a pedestal you didn’t ask to be put on
That I could not see nuance
That I was convinced you had characteristics that you may have not, because I didn’t really ask, or because I just believed them and they felt really real because I felt my emotional safety was in danger I’m sorry that I left you the way that I did, I really couldn’t hear your side of things because it would literally break my reality. I thought I finally realized that I had been being gaslit about my feelings and reality for so long that every time we break up and then talk, you always explain things away and I feel so confused. You don’t usually act that way during the relationship so it can just be derailing like I can’t trust my own feelings or experience.
I cannot love unconditionally because I really am just a mirror and I’m like a little kid trying to find safety from the world. I have a really dark hole in me that I can’t fill no matter what I try, and it comes back no matter what
You said that I’m hard to love and no one else in my life would agree with you, but you’re the only one who really knows that
I am so sorry, you loved me as best as you could and I know it was frustrating and confusing and hard and demoralizing at times. I really thought that I was doing better but the further away it gets the better I can see that I was just avoiding these feelings. I can’t ignore them anymore because there is no one to blame for this hole in my chest, other than myself. I’m sorry I asked you to fill it all by yourself
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