Unsent text message to Courtney

I’ve been thinking a lot about how hard it’s been for me these past few years to learn how to love myself and see myself the way you once saw me. I don’t think I ever fully understood how much it meant to be loved by someone who genuinely respected me, saw the good in me, and made me feel worthy of being loved. I…

I put the olive branch out there... Sent you a message. But I just hope you know that I won't send another one again. I'm only doing this now.

Had dreams about you where you were telling me you were hurting, another you were telling someone you do miss me. But you didn't say anything. So I guess maybe you are just…

Its funny, I catch myself. Just about to enter a deep slumber. Suddenly, I'm jolted awake as if I were about to be pegged by the one I used to call my person. Its funny we all know what our person thinks. Perhaps we could be on that wavelength, that connected. Perhaps we are simply riding a vibe. If you were grinding…

Maybe I do nothing . I let whatever this is take me . My lung is collapsing already . Why try to make it better . Give up …. The voices the voices …

Ive decided to stop. Stop trying to get you to see me. Stop trying to talk to you and attempt to have a conversation. Im done hoping you'll come back one day. I wanted you in my life so badly, and you were able to leave and make a new one so quickly. I dont know what im going to do, and thats okay. Ill figure out my…

It seems this whole time you’ve been trying to seem like a mystery and I fell for it. You’re no mystery you’re just a sad boring old man. That’s why I like you. That’s why I’ve always liked you but you insist on needing to be too mysterious to ever be known but I like you already