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My parents are gone and it’s my first night alone in the new home. The one we once said was going to be ours. Where we would start our married lives together and raise our children.
I cried leaving our old apartment. Even if I lived there long before you did and the last two years were full of so many tears already, I still cried. I stood in the spots where we laughed and played.
But I also stood in the spots everytime you broke my heart. The spot where you yelled at me. The dinner table where you blamed me for ruining your ay by asking you to keep your promises. Where the couch was when you told me you wanted to break up during our last fight in that place.
I sit alone with the dog, watching tv alone again. I miss you but I also don’t know when you became someone I didn’t know. Even through everything in over a decade, I loved you through all of it. But you knew I would stay with you through anything, and you put me through everything.
I know I wasn’t perfect. But I loved you so much to the point I lost myself. And I’m here trying to pick up the pieces and move on but I don’t even know what that looks like. I just want to talk to you.
But you probably don’t miss me, even if I convince myself you do. I know you’re friends with her again, despite you telling me she meant nothing. I hate that even as I knew you lied to me, I chose to trust you. Always.
I’m happy for this new start. But it should’ve been ours.
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