Unsent text message to Evan

I thought of you several times today,even though I try so hard not to. There’s an ache in my chest that ***** me at odd hours,flashbacks and memories I try to ignore. I really wish I didn’t reopen the door.

I really wish I could contact you this is so dumb. I mean I can and it's not like forbidden or anything but I know you'd rather be left alone but ughhghhh. I miss you and your cat and I'm like almost certain you don't go here but if you do I feel like you'd know in seconds this is me. I'm just rambling sorry i really…

I want to talk to you.......

That I’m off having a ******* blast without you. But I’m not. I’m suffering too. This is a loss for me too and you know how big my feelings are.

Tried my best to give you a good time in the city and after a beautiful night you lay in bed next to me texting someone at 2am with your phone turned away from me(which is now commonplace) as if I’m not even there. Then you go to the bathroom with your phone and sit in the bathroom but never flush.

After never…

I feel nothing anymore; I’ve been used by her. I was cast aside in the most awful way after a relationship of nearly eight years and two children—whom, incidentally, I am no longer allowed to see. What possessed you to do this? Was it because I found out who you really are? But all our problems don't matter right now…