Unsent text message to Addison

Completely honest, didn’t hold back

The not really knowing, the not being able to ask the questions, the pretending that I’m ok, the grief that I have to hide, the not being human, not being me.

I’m not what you wanted and I can’t fake it because I like being me.

I’m not what anyone wants and I can’t fake it like everyone else does.

But at least I tried…

I write things I could never say to you. I leave them anonymously, somewhere among thousands of other beautiful and heartbreaking words, and for a little while I let myself believe that maybe, somehow, you might stumble across mine. Maybe you’d read a sentence and pause. Maybe something in it would feel strangely…

I write things I could never say to you. I leave them somewhere anonymous, hidden among thousands of other words, and for a few minutes I pretend you might somehow find them. That you might read them and recognise yourself in every sentence. It’s the only place I let myself tell the truth. But today I had a thought…

Im not as smart as you may think I am. Or I am and im scared. Can we cut the ********. And can I ******* see you damn it.

Im tired of playing games. And why your hiding from me? I don't get it.

Please for the love of God. Just walk into the room im in and say " Hello Love, want to take a walk?"

And ill gladly leave that…

**** I hate that you had to make it forever we couldn't have just ****** every now and then hell