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The not really knowing, the not being able to ask the questions, the pretending that I’m ok, the grief that I have to hide, the not being human, not being me.
I’m not what you wanted and I can’t fake it because I like being me.
I’m not what anyone wants and I can’t fake it like everyone else does.
But at least I tried. No one tries for me but at least I did for them, for you.
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I write things I could never say to you. I leave them somewhere anonymous, hidden among thousands of other words, and for a few minutes I pretend you might somehow find them. That you might read them and recognise yourself in every sentence. It’s the only place I let myself tell the truth. But today I had a thought…
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Im not as smart as you may think I am. Or I am and im scared. Can we cut the ********. And can I ******* see you damn it.
Im tired of playing games. And why your hiding from me? I don't get it.
Please for the love of God. Just walk into the room im in and say " Hello Love, want to take a walk?"
And ill gladly leave that…
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**** I hate that you had to make it forever we couldn't have just ****** every now and then hell
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I gave you the most love, and in return, you left me with the most hurt. Ouch.
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your face something wicked today. the way youd smile coming up the steps to let me in.
im suppose to hate ya and most days i do.
stumbled into our old professional messages.
no wonder we went for it…
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even recognize each other anymore
we didn’t know each other
we just sleep walked together
for a strange moment in time.
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