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I know you struggle with the way things are in your house, and I'm empathetic towards that, truly - I am.
I know you struggle with having meltdowns, and when you talk to me about it, when you come to me with remorse days later, I feel that remorse and I forgive unconditionally, even if that remorse has never come with an apology.
Now, that we've been friends for a good bit, you have allowed yourself to devolve into verbal abuse. You are ******* me. I want to continue to love who you are so badly. But I can't. Every time you scream at me and then make me feel bad for defending myself, I lose a little piece of the love I have/had for you. It's slowly being replaced by fear, resentment, and bitterness.
You're such a special person to me and I don't know how to get you to understand that this is not okay - because you won't listen to me. You don't listen to anything I say. I don't have a voice with you. It's my job to internalize everything you say, take everything you say to heart - but the minute I am borderline begging you to talk to me like a human being, suddenly you're sobbing, you're screaming, you're insulting, telling me everything you think is wrong with me.
That's not fair, M. Why do I have to hold the emotional weight of every single one of your criticisms but never am I allowed the voice to defend myself from straight up verbal abuse?
Please. Leave me alone if you're going to be like this. I love you, but you're ******* ruining my life.
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