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A year ago today, we celebrated your brother’s birthday. You were so important to me that I automatically loved him even though we had never met. I went out of my way to be sure he felt special on his day. And it made me happy to. Little did I know, this day would be one of our last. Only a week later would be beginning of end of our friendship.
It’s strange looking back at a memory when you know what the person in the picture didn’t know yet. I didn’t know I was about to lose you. I didn’t know how much I would grieve a friendship I thought would be part of my life for years…for life. I didn’t know that there would come a day when we would become strangers who knew entirely too much about each other.
There are still things I wish I could ask you and things I wish I understood. But a year later, I think I’m finally learning that some endings don’t come with answers. Sometimes all you get is the knowledge that it mattered while it was yours. And it did matter. You mattered to me. I loved you deeply, in whatever complicated way that love existed between us. I don’t regret that. I just wish I’d known, that night, that I was already saying goodbye. The goodbye that would be so easy for you.
And if you see this (you won’t), I’m healing but sometimes it still hurts.
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