iMessage
I’m sorry I left the way I did.
The anger inside me felt like a burning fire. It was overwhelming, and it scared me. I was afraid I might **** ****** in that state. I needed distance, and I wish I’d found a gentler way to leave.
I know I said things you feel you didn’t deserve. I don’t even know anymore. I’m still trying to untangle what I felt, what I meant, and how it all came out.
This past year held so much pain, confusion, anger, and sadness. I spent so much of it trying to understand us. The lies, the manipulation, the cheating. I keep turning it all over in my head, looking for answers that would somehow make it hurt less.
And I miss you so much. I think I'll forever think about you and miss you. And it's so stupid I know.
It’s so hard to let go of someone you love when they’ve hurt you. I remember the closeness. I remember why I wanted you in my life. Then I remember what happened, and I don’t know where to put any of those feelings.
I wish you had written me a letter.
Somehow, I thought it would give me closure. I hoped you would tell me, in your own words, what happened between us. What you felt. What you understood about the hurt. I wanted something honest to hold onto when my own thoughts kept going in circles.
I realise now I can’t expect that letter, especially because I blocked you on social media. I know I made it harder for you to reach me. I was overwhelmed and needed distance, even while part of me kept hoping to hear from you.
I don’t really know how to explain that. I wanted space, and I wanted you close. I wanted answers, and I was afraid of being hurt again.
Maybe I hoped your letter would help me understand what we couldn’t say to each other by the end. I wanted to know what you felt, whether you understood how much it hurt, and what our time together meant to you.
I know we were both exhausted. We just existed together at the end. That makes me sad too, thinking about how much we once meant to each other, and how tired we became.
I wish I knew how to make peace with all of it. I wish leaving had made the feelings simpler.
I’m sorry for how I left. I’m still hurt by what happened. I still wish you had written.
And I still miss you. I love you and hate you at the same time. I'm so sorry. I'm scared of you now. I wish things were different.
Honey, I hope you're alive and well. I hope you get better.
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