Unsent text message to Emma

You have no idea how badly I want to respond. But none of the reasons are good. They're selfish, curious, an inkling of toying with you, you goddamn idiot. So here I'm writing partially the letter and a bit of how I anticipate your response. Because I know in my bones replying is a bad decision.

(Name),

Here's the…

i wish i am born a girl in my next life so atleast i can get a chance to be your best friend.

or if i am born a boy, then atleast I be born handsome and your faviourite looking. definitely not this ugly ******* who keeps creeping you out and harassing you for no reason. I am really sorry and please accept my apology. I…

The scariest person is someone who can hurt you deeply and then move on as if nothing happened, with no guilt or accountability. They ignore the pain they caused and act as if your feelings don't matter, leaving you to deal with the damage.

Since you broke up with me twice and abandoned me during my worst when all I had planned was a trip for both of us together to mark our 2.5 years abroad in my home. You let someone else destroy our relationship without proof, and for that I'll always resent how it took you to break me, to build you back up.

I know you…

You know what? You cheating piece of ****? I ****** him. It turns out the only thing wrong with me was you. A grown man that needs his mommy and pushes his actual mommy around while he beats off to girls he cheated on me with? I'm glad you're out of my life. Because what the **** was I thinking.

I might later. Who knows. Yesterday I had a dream about you. The usual one that involves you. I find you, you forgive me, we are together enjoying each other’s company again. It makes me miss you. It was after my post about crying about you, so that’s not what triggered that post. The post is probably what triggered…