Unsent text message to Brittany

just 24hrs with you and ill be fine

right now the only person i want to be with is you

but knowing you’re no longer in my life hurts me

we were eachother’s everything a while ago…

I'm reminded of how much better off I am without you. I have dreams about the things I was right about. I retrace and cringe about the things I looked past. When the leaves fall, I remember and feel who I was before you again. When the leaves fall, I'm the happiest I have ever been.

I want to forget i want to move on i want live my life far away from you but why it seems impossible why everything i do in my life make me remember the ***** things you did why i compare myself to others knowing you always did that during the rs why my nervous system so fvcked up anxiety and confidence so low cant…

I really wish I had opened up a beer, and then i would have the excuse of calling you and telling you everything.

I’ve already understood that I’ll never be enough for you or your expectations. Anytime anything went wrong it was always somehow my fault even if I didn’t know what was happening. For years I’d tried to have any semblance of a relationship with you just to have you spew hate towards me. It’s now been almost 6 years…

How long is this going to take??!

That’s how I’m feeling right now. I reached out a week ago and sent an apology for this summer on Tuesday. I’m not sure how long until you reply. I know in the long-term, a week is nothing and a month may end up being nothing in the big scheme of things.

I hope I didn’t hurt you or…