iMessage
I tried moving on. I tried avoiding you and not reach out for as long as I could. I know things are complicated and I know that it may never be the way it used to be. Even thought years have gone by since we were last together in a relationship I still harbor the same feelings that I used too. We hung out and it felt like things had never stopped between us but I know they have. I feel like if I give up then I’m gonna lose a part of me that I can never find again. Even if I think about or try to talk to someone else I just can’t bring myself to actually make an effort for them. It’s not fair to anyone if I can’t commit knowing that I still want you back in my life. When we first stopped talking my life was in shambles from other things so I guess it was easier to not care or forget you in a way, but now that you have been back in my life in a way I can’t help but feel a knot in my gut knowing that I still love you and care for you. You said you loved me too but I don’t know if I can trust your words. How can I believe you when I can’t even be with you or hardly talk to you anymore. I come by and see you from time to time at work but it’s just casual friendly banter. I put on a smile and laugh like it’s all okay but in reality I can feel myself breaking down again. I just want my life to make sense and to me you are the only one who has ever made it feel that way. Life just isn’t the same without you in it. Part of me knows that it will never be the same though. So I don’t know what to do. I’ll feel like an ******* if I just disappear but would you even notice. Would you understand why I chose to this time. Is it just time to say goodbye?
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