iMessage
I have borderline personality disorder. I don’t know if you truly know the stresses that come with this disorder. But am I enough for you? Am I TRULY enough for you? Because at first it seemed like all you wanted was me. You were so sweet and kind and loving and cuddly and our nights spent together had so much spark. But now? It’s like a husk of the person you were. Like you find me repulsive now. Like there’s always something I’m doing wrong.
Am I actually doing something to upset you and my disorder is making it hard for me to understand? Or are you just sick of me and want something different. You say you want apologies for everything and I did! Apologize that is. I apologized. But you want me to explain why even though I pretty much already said it? Is it my stubbornness that won’t allow me to say it again and just swallow my pride and explain it or are you being unreasonable and just not wanting me to come home so you can find someone else? That sounds crazy, it’s crazy right?! For me to think you want someone else? That you’d leave me here for that? Trauma that’s what it is right? That’s what my therapist has said. These thoughts are from trauma.
Thing is..I don’t even know what I need to apologize for. I mean my attitude yes-of course my attitude and for calling you insufferable, that was wrong and i shouldn’t have said it no matter how upset I was. I just..I don’t know.
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