iMessage
Now i remember this one time we talked one night a year ago and you asked me if i think you were obnoxious or rude and rock headed. I told you that you were not and that i loved the way you debate and confront. I'm sorry. You were a bit obnoxious, though i loved it i should've told you that you were a bit rock headed. I redirected the conversation to the difference between our styles. It was one of these moments that we could've had an honest conversation but i redirected, i digressed to a more flirtatious tangent. i'm sorry. god, it hurts me to think about this. It was a lovely night and i was walking around the resort being hit by the lovely night autumn wind and as if tensions for a bit had gone down as if we remembered our true friendship again for one night. Then i failed to adress all the issues. You tried opening up the awkward talk we never had, and i digressed and just went to the closest safest tangent and maybe that night was our last chance to save a failing relationship. I'm sorry. God i was a coward. I wanted to artificially produce fun time again while an elephant was in the room but i was confused truly i had no final say. I don't know what it means to beleive in god or to pray and worship i had no answers. i only had my personal feelings and i withheld them from you because i did not know how to defend anything, i would've just stood there like an idiot, i wish i did that, atleast i could've been honest and direct. I'm sorry now i think you loved me and you would've probably cared about my feelings if i had only shared them. oh god, i kept you talking to a mannequin and withheld any soul, any vulnerability from you. No wonder you left. You are not an avoidant. I was the avoidant and a liar too.
Message Unsent