iMessage
If I was still 16 going into our relationship and knew every good and bad moment between you and I. I wouldn’t choose to go through that ever again. I know I’d probably try to convince myself that wasn’t going to happen to us because our love was more than that, but fortunately for both our sakes we did end and we both made those unsettling and selfish decisions. It truly was for the best.
You were one of the best experiences but I lost myself entirely. I could no longer recognize who I was whatsoever. That is the most shameful part about loving you. To know how much I gave for you, I allowed myself to loose all of me. Nothing on this Earth is worth loosing yourself, but amongst many, love shouldn’t have brought me to that point.
I’ve told myself I was over you many times and I truly wasn’t, it just stopped hurting as much as it once did. You never truly left my mind. Even after all that time. I had hope, hope our love could be enough to bring back what once was, but it wasn’t, nor could it ever be. That was the harshest reality I’ve had to tell myself. That love we shared was never enough.
Part of me had to understand, I didn’t want to loose you even if we weren’t in contact, and you were explicitly ignoring me, I still wanted you. Regardless of all that happened, I wanted you, knowing you’d never return. Because how could a person just not want that anymore? Not with just any person but with the person you’ve had so much history with. Why wouldn’t you want to grow into something so much more beautiful than all the toxicity, immaturity and ignorance to become what we both always wished for with one another? Though part of me will always have lingering thoughts of you, I now see what I couldn’t before with you. And it’s hard understanding and having to come to terms with our relationship.
I am no longer choosing to let myself wait here for you when there are so many more opportunities in life than just a relationship with one person. For my own sake, I choose my peace in knowing I did all I could do. Not exactly for you, but in a way, In hopes maybe change could be enough. And now I’ve finally realize nothing I can say or do could never be enough for you to want me in the ways I wanted you.
I’m choosing to move past our lives together, into a better light for the sake of me. It was never enough.
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