iMessage
You ruined the version of me that believed love could be safe.
Before you, I never believed in soulmates. I had never truly been in love. I had never looked at someone and thought, I found my future husband. I had never called anyone and said those words with complete certainty. And then there was you.
You made me believe in a future I had never allowed myself to imagine.
And then everything changed when you left me and told me you were developing feelings for her.
I don’t think you’ll ever understand what happened inside of me after that. It wasn’t just heartbreak. It felt like losing the person I was before I met you, too. I haven’t been the same since.
I’ve become Angry. Depressed. Numb. I stopped recognizing myself. Things that used to make me happy don’t reach me the way they used to. Some days I can barely remember what it feels like to be genuinely okay.
I work sixteen-hour days because sometimes being completely exhausted feels easier than going back to an empty house and having nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company.
I moved away because I thought maybe if I changed everything around me, I could somehow find the girl I was before you. I thought a new place, a new job, new scenery—something—would bring her back.
But I’m still looking for her.
And the hardest part is knowing that while I am still trying to put myself back together, life is still moving for you.
I know my mental health is mine to take responsibility for. I know you didn’t create every wound I carried, and I know I have things I need to heal within myself. But I need you to understand that loving you reached places in me I had never let anyone reach before.
And losing you reached those places too.
You’ll probably never understand the full weight of what you meant to me. You were the first person who made me believe, without hesitation, that I had found my person.
I didn’t just lose you.
I’ve lost myself also.
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