Unsent text message to Ella

So what is this, guess we are slipping back into the way we were a month ago, which is fine, but I’d love to know why you started being friendly with me, I think there was more to this then what your saying with your words, makes me believe you’d wish some of the walls between us were pulled down, I want to pull all…

You tore everything apart that day and I never got an apology. I never got any ounce of respect. I never got a glimpse to feel like everything is okay. Instead i’m worrying about you, apologizing on your behalf to everyone, telling everyone you aren’t doing okay… You know… I’m not doing okay and you won’t ever care…

I don't want them to define me.. which is why I'm trying really hard to change myself but, it seems that I can't even let the people from my past go. Like you, S. I can't let you go for some reason. I don't even know why, whether it's love or just the fact that someone, at least someone knows me and what I've done. I…

I’ll hold space for you, for us a little longer. I’m not sure why or how but I’m doing it. You’re written in my soul, it’s your blood that I bleed. Wherever you are, wherever I’ll be I’ll save you a seat , right next to me. I still smile when I think about our time at Luis’s place. Do you? What about day one at the…

When you weren’t supposed to be here you showed up. A lot. Now it’s cool to come over and gate is wide open. We don’t even talk like we used to. It really sucks

But I’ll be lying if I said I didn’t love how you made me feel. I hope you don’t hurt another girl or lead them on just to have access to their body. I hope you heal and understand hurt people hurt others. I hope you become a better man for the next woman.