Unsent text message to Natalie

Is it really that easy? Where did I park my car? Seriously?

I’m scared that the days without you are becoming more than the days with you.

I know these words will never meet your eyes. Just buried grief in thin disguise. Four years , I’ll miss, whether that was the true you it’s unknown. I mourn that ghost, not who you’ve shown. I know my faults I know my share, But loss weighs less when you don’t care. No kin, no friends, no place to run, just fading…

But i know i like watching you talk about it. I know i like cuddling with you while we fall asleep to 9 hour long lore videos about it. I know i like seeing you excited about it. I know i like you. You’re like me, just a different topic, everything just feels so natural and easy with you.

Last time we were touching…

I want to love you and take care of you. I can see how cute we’d be. Us, by the balcony, you smoking despite my eye rolls, blowing smoke into my mouth. I can see it all. Me lying on your chest on a weekend listening to our favorite songs. Both of us cooking together in the kitchen and teasing each other. It’s so…

That I’m worried in the future I’m going to be sat on the sofa cuddled up with a girlfriend, watching a love film, and I’m going to be thinking of you 😔