Unsent text message to Michelle

The day that I always always put way too much weight on. That's why it was always all crazy. That one time I did a strip tease for you. And we ended up fighting. We still ended up making up and making love but every year your birthday was something else. You still never got to eat that cake...

there was also a machete…

One minute I feel nothing but sadness and grief. The next I feel frustrated, angry and confused. Then I can feel okay for a little while, laugh with my friends and go about things as normal.

I don't want to spend my days feeling angry at you. I don't truly believe you deserve that. I think we both could've been better…

There's this weariness in my soul... It's starting to show, isn't it? When demand, expectation, everything I'm supposed to be starts to know... What erosion feels like... Even when it's my own psyche placing the weight on me, I know... Damn it.. I know.

I don't know how to fall apart safely, with so much weight on my…

And every time I am I wish you'd knock. If you weren't so much of a coward. And if I wasn't so much of a coward I'd let you in. In spite of all the time that's passed. And everything you've done. I must be really bored or really lonely. And really masochistic. All that and more that's me I guess. I know it's a pipe…

I saw you today

There’s something about that

I knew it was you from far far away. Part of me wanted to wave part of me wanted to cry, but I didn’t want you to see me like that so I just smiled and drove on.

Even on my worst days seeing you makes me smile.

In your eyes, black diamonds. I could die.