Unsent text message to Peyton

I do hope we completely miss each other. Better than that is if you're not there.

But if you are, do not throw your tantrum when I don't acknowledge you. Don't speak to me. Don't wave or say hi! I won't see you or hear you. I'll be busy.

And please don't do what you always do and twist everything to cry foul. Be a man…

I’ve been writing letters to you at least once a week for a month.. the letters totaling to over 25 small sized journal pages.

I broke up with you and that’s the biggest regret I’ll have to live with. Our one year is coming up of our date and I so badly want to message you again. I want to give you all my letters and…

I sent that text to you a long time ago and I believe I kept my word. I held strong on the energy between us and I didn’t let it die. I believe there is something beautiful here. I believe there is something here that will never go away for either of us. I believe you are a beautiful soul. I believe you have a…

Thanks for that little nod.

I needed it tonight.

Tomorrow I am getting up early and taking care of business -- I'm going to Urgent Care.

I'm scared. I am going to show my feet, at my mom's urging, and get my medication…

I miss you so much. You've never bothered me. Ever. You're my favorite thing.

I don’t know how to “break up normally”. I wish you knew how sad I am. How I miss you. How it’s not all bad in my head. How I’m processing and crying all the time. I don’t know how to move through this with you. I wish you could see how you made me feel invisible sometimes. Or how undervalued I felt. And how I did try…