Unsent text message to Morgan

Would you still be alive? I‘m sorry. So sorry.

That your biggest mistake is that “when the world was ending …” you never came over. All the times that the sky was falling there was always something that kept you from me. That broke the trust. That shattered the faith. I hate how much I’ve begged you. Cause I don’t beg. But I bent all my rules for you. What did you…

It's usually around 2am, always at that time. When the unconscious takes over what the daylight suppresses. I miss the comfort of your embrace and the security that it brought. I miss simple things- your good mornings before the sun had risen, the lightheartedness and mindless banter, even our inside jokes. All lost…

I cannot deny the value of the nights beneath the moon, glaring with that sparkle in my eyes wondering if it was real.

Knowing what I know now, I know it was all in my mind. Gaslighting yourself because it fills a void must be part of my pattern.

Your pattern is destroying anything that grow, by choosing not to care…

I look up at the sky, knowing we share the same view from different perspectives

Hoping that you see me the way I see you

Its a beautiful night, the sun finally setting

The colors blending in as it gets darker…

It’s been 3 years, and this last “goodbye” hasn’t gotten easier. I’ve learned a lot more, I’m determined to put myself first. No matter what I try, no matter how much I let myself feel, my heart still aches for you. It still beats to your rhythm and your warmth. As if yours never left my chest for one second. My heart…