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Light creeps into every crevice of my life, like opening a door to some locked room that has been dark for decades. While light shines through the window, someone just now notices the dust hanging on in the air. Like memories suspended in time and it’s a bitter sting to feel the echos of you in my life.
This week marks 3 months since I’ve heard your laughter. Your voice. You left with little to no explanation, to turn me into some deranged monster to fit some narrative you made up. Somewhere along the way the love I had for you grew and there was no space for me. I’ll thank you every day hereafter for leaving me, because in the end I knew the only thing you were chasing was clout. I had the title, prestige, and the money you wanted. The only difference is I did the work, I didn’t wait one someone to give it to me. Or rather some organization that had low standards you could join to add it to your resume. I’m glad you made deacon only for the fact that you did truly want it at some point. But in the end of our breakup, when you finally confessed you only wanted the title and became so fixated on it; I knew there would never be me in your future. You wanted notoriety, not love.
In the early hours, as I’m sitting in my bed I am reminded I loved the ghost you led me to believe you were, not who you actually are. May your faith get stronger and you find the path to humility because sir your privilege is showing and you should learn to serve people if you wear the cloth.
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