Unsent text message to Zach

I dont think you know just how special you are to me. The one man who made me feel like a little girl. Who made me get butterflies just at the thought of your name. Who made me be excited to knock off becuase you are coming to pick me and I just cant wait to see your cute face.

The first time we met? You came to pick…

Hola mi niña (if I can even call you that anymore…) I saw Juan today, he was in town for work. He asked me about you and what happened. I gave him the “long story short”.

I’m not gonna lie, it was hard. It felt like there was so much good that I also wanted to rave about. About how you were also so great. You are, you…

Are you saying you are remembering the earlier days of us, but are so tired from your current life that you can't do anything about it?

I wish I could rescue you.

I wish you could rescue me, too.

Could we rescue each other…

It would’ve been better if you had told me that I meant something to you. I saw you yesterday and said hello, but I know I was cold and distant. I didn’t really know how to act around you anymore. I guess part of me wished you weren’t the kind of person who pulls away when things start to feel real, because maybe…

I was trying to prevent that by telling you how I felt. Then it was reciprocated. I knew there would be boundaries and distance. I knew it be a safe conversation with a person I felt really safe with. I didn't really think further than that. I didn't think about how our friendship would just end. It would have to and…

So it turns out; The nicknames we had for one another were accurate because you would attack me for no reason whatsoever and I would migrate away.

I don’t regret my decision to flee. You were belligerent and I was too easy of a target. 🪿