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I was trying to prevent that by telling you how I felt. Then it was reciprocated. I knew there would be boundaries and distance. I knew it be a safe conversation with a person I felt really safe with. I didn't really think further than that. I didn't think about how our friendship would just end. It would have to and it be no one's fault. We wouldn't blame each other. We wouldn't be mad. We would keep seeing each other every now and then and talk but never too much. Look at the other but never too long. Laugh just the right amount then back away again. Then I sit in traffic and I'd cry thinking about how much you are just always enough. How you cant see it and I don't know how. I missed you then and I miss you now. I think about how warm it felt to be around you. I felt like myself. I didn't know how good it felt to be there and not have to try to belong. Or to not be scared. And honestly, everything's okay now. Im where I want to be and I'm trusting myself in doing what I want to do. But I still think about you. Its not always sad. Sometimes for instance, I see a movie and the main character is a deeply passionate or creative. Then it shows them in a flow of some sort. They're making something incredible and the little sentimental music plays in the back and you know they really love it. Right there. That's when you pop up. I feel you, I miss you, and I remember how good it felt to look into your eyes and talk. Then I let it pass me. Until I'm reminded again some other way by something else beautiful that I cant really put into words. It's been a couple years now. Days without you still feel wasted in a sense. Like I'm living this life taking it for granted somehow. Sustaining this distance when you mean so much to me. I don't know. I think we did what was right at the time. I want you to be happy. I don't need to be apart of it. I loved you. I don't know you anymore and it hurts then it doesnt. I lost you but I also met you. It was enough. I believe that and sometimes I just have to.
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