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I disappeared without a word.
I know I said I wouldn’t do that again. I meant it when I said it. I thought if the day ever came that I had to leave, I would explain myself. I thought I owed you that much after all these years.
But what was left to explain?
You knew where my heart was. You knew what hurt me. You knew what I wanted, what I could live with, and what I couldn’t. We had already had every conversation there was to have. I had explained myself until there were no new words left.
And then I saw something that made everything painfully simple.
Maybe you knew I would see it. Maybe you didn’t. I’ll never ask.
For once, I didn’t need an explanation either.
So I left quietly.
Not because I stopped caring. Not because I wanted you to chase me. Not because I wanted to punish you with my absence.
I left because staying would have meant abandoning myself again.
There was no final paragraph that could have changed what I already knew. No question I could ask whose answer would make it hurt less. No argument worth having.
Sometimes closure isn’t two people saying goodbye.
Sometimes it’s finally believing what you’ve been shown, closing the door yourself, and accepting that the person on the other side may never understand why.
I wish there had been another choice.
There wasn’t.
So this is the goodbye I will never send you.
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