iMessage
it’s almost been three months since you decided you didn’t want to be with me anymore. you told me you still loved me, but that you believed it wasn’t the best thing for either of us. i know your parents had a lot of influence on that decision, and for a long time i was angry and confused about it. now, i understand it a little more. i won’t lie, the beginning of no contact was really hard for me. i spiraled, i missed you, and i wanted so badly to hear your voice. but looking back, i’m actually grateful that you enforced no contact because i needed the space to find myself again. our relationship had become toxic, and somewhere along the way, i stopped thinking about myself. everything became about you, us, and whether we were going to be okay. now i’m finally starting to think about my own life again. i still think about you sometimes. you were my first love, and three years is a lot of memories to carry. but my goals are starting to take up more space in my mind than you are, and honestly, that feels really good. i know you’ve probably moved on, and i genuinely want you to be happy. your birthday is tomorrow, and part of me wants to reach out, but i know i shouldn’t. so instead, i’ll wish you a happy birthday from a distance and hope life is treating you well. i don’t know if we’ll ever talk again. if we do, i hope i can tell you about everything i’ve accomplished and all the things i’m excited about for my future. not because i want to prove anything to you, but because i’m finally building a future for myself. i’ll probably always have love for you because you were my first love. i’ll always appreciate the three years we had, even if they ended differently than i wanted. i genuinely wish you nothing but happiness, wherever life takes you. and for the first time in a long time, i’m starting to wish that for myself too.
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