Unsent text message to Kyle

I wonder if you have found me here.. you will know it's me. That's fine though, I am writing these to you. I think I will delete this account soon though. But in case you are reading now, there is something on my mind today..

Does everyone know what is going on but me? All the neighbours? Everyone hiding it from me…

I guess that's it. I'm exhausted. feels like this thing has drained the life out of me.

I feel like an idiot for loving you, even when you gave your attention to other guys who didn’t treat you well. Then tell me about them and how much they hurt you. I wanted to give you the life we talked about. I wanted to do more than just be there. I was in a toxic marriage I shouldn’t have been in. You were living…

Or is too much taken, those that ride the success of your mental fortitude will miss it when it’s gone.

When those that cannot keep their temper in check daily, who’s own mind prevents them from achieving greatness, who’s success required a crutch miss that. They will crumble.

Like those who mirrored my best qualities…

the one i fell in love with anymore

it blows my mind how one day you are here

and the next day you're somebody that I used to know

I confess, regardless of how much I've relaxed, and allowed myself to accept... Trauma has a way of training, and I never know what to do with the excess. I'm afraid of being excess, adding too much to the bill. I make a mountain out of my own hill, hoping, but believing, that you could never learn to love me, still…