Unsent text message to Anthony

I had a dream that you called me.

It was a brief conversation because I couldn’t hear you, but the first thing you said was, “I’m sorry.”

Earlier in the day, I had a dream involving your sisters and how much me leaving hurt you and them…

I forgot, there is no acceptance from a perfect person. A narcissistic mind will never tell a full story even if there life relied it. Sad MF’s…

Still complete BS, but ok

I would’ve given you that validation you’re looking for if you stayed and worked through things with me I would’ve spent the rest of my life swooning over that face. If you just had worked with me. Maybe the chase is fun for you. Or they’re just all way prettier than me and it doesn’t matter how I see you. But I…

Your body is art. One of the most beautiful art pieces I’ve ever seen. It was never fake—my appreciation for your body. I’m thankful you allowed me to love your body, to worship your body, to take care of your body.

I can’t say I’m certain you’d say the same thing for me. And that’s the problem.

I can’t love you enough…

Dear mum,

I love you, I love that you wanted a better life for me. However, somewhere along the way you made me feel unworthy. You belittled me and made me scared to disobey you. The little girl in me became a soldier far too young. She obeyed you as she thought fear and love were the same. Only for her to grow up and…