Unsent text message to Eli

Tonight, I'm baby. Sit on your lap, suck your thumb, and coo at the thought of you. Can we play that role tonight?

i don't feel turbulent inside like i thought i would

i feel at peace. no pain or angst, no torment

life remains safe and beautiful despite it all

You want my blood, my tears, and everything that keeps me breathing, but I am done playing this role for you. I want peace, while all you want is a fight. Why do you only care when I see red, but refuse to appreciate me when I'm yellow

Well honey, sad to say it but I think we both have things we should be embarrassed about. Why were you so obsessed with me from the beginning when you're way out of my league. My recovery would be so much simpler if you were some horrid ugly creature but I regress the ways your eyes used to light up at the sight of me…

and part of me participated at first.. but i participated in the way as if it were you doing it. And then i.. i guess slam back down to earth.. and it looks yucky to me at that point.

because its not you, so its weird, abrasive, and sad almost.

only you could get away with that. But they dont mean any harm..

but i cant…

How ******* dare you?