Unsent text message to Blake

I’ve always been a lover girl. I love love. Everything about it.

I met someone who I fell head over heels for. For the first time in my life; I was sure. It was him. My person. I loved him deeply. I had the most perfect love. I would’ve married him in a heartbeat.

And then it was gone. On a random Tuesday. I remember…

This whole “no contact” thing has made me miss the good times. It hasn’t made me remember the bad, or all the reasons things ended. But now that you’ve reached out to me, even over something so stupid and insignificant, it’s made me realise something very clearly: I don’t want you in my life anymore. It’s done. I…

It was limerence. Maybe for both sides? I wish I knew the real you. I wish you knew the real me. I think we saw each other in moments. But so much of the time was spent in our heads. I hope you’re doing well. I’m sorry if I freaked you out or was confusing. It was all really confusing for me. I still did deserve to be…

All this time, all the lies on both sides. Why does it feel like only I am singled out. Still your monster, still the villain.

Your mum texted me today. God how I miss your parents, but mostly you.

I hope you’re finding your peace and navigating all of this okay. I wish that you getting better didn’t require us to be apart. No matter.

I still love you just as much as I ever did, only now I’m wishing you well from afar.

****, I miss you. I just miss you. I just miss looking over and seeing you there. I miss you. it’s been you, you are all I want and love in this world. I just miss you darling. 😭 It just hit me like a train, I’m never going to see you again. I haven’t let myself cry. I’ve tried to be strong and tonight, I’m crying…