Unsent text message to Christopher

****, I miss you. I just miss you. I just miss looking over and seeing you there. I miss you. it’s been you, you are all I want and love in this world. I just miss you darling. 😭 It just hit me like a train, I’m never going to see you again. I haven’t let myself cry. I’ve tried to be strong and tonight, I’m crying…

I’m gonna say something to you two and I need you both to just accept that I’m finally choosing my happiness over ******* offending you or anyone else

If you both actually love me and want me to be happy in life then you’ll accept this and not give me any of the **** I’m expecting to come from this

Also don’t mention a…

I really am trying to keep calm and just let you feel what you need too I wish things didn’t change between us like I miss not cuddling or kissing but who I was getting to know and like I trust you’ll come back but you said you wouldn’t **** and duck and it kinda feels like you did

You broke not only my heart but also my spirit. I loved you more than words, and you left. Looking back, i had to beg you to care about me the whole time. I begged you to say you care, i begged you to tell your parents about me, i begged you to tell me you loved me…. I would’ve begged for the rest of my life. You…

It will be 1 year in just a few days. I’m doing a lot better now. I genuinely went off the deep end after I lost you. I made mistakes, lost a lot of friends, and changed quite a bit.

I wish I had one more chance to talk to you again, like we used to.

But that’s life.

JD, You’re the love of my life. I suppose it’s a case of wrong place, wrong time. I don’t need booze to love you. I lied to myself a lot throughout the years. I can be delusional and naive, I know. I even asked psychics about you! How desperate is that?? To spend money on someone to tell me you’re not for me…