Unsent text message to Ella

You were asking me once what were my favourite things were, trees, birds etc but it's you. You were my favourite before I even knew you existed, and when we first met, I couldn't believe you were real. Months later I couldn't get over how perfect for me you were. We were taking it slow, and I appreciated that. But I…

Cruel Love, I survived your absence.

But what I really did was give you an out because you don’t want to reconnect with me. You have made your decision by only thinking about the negatives and seeing me as disposable and I can tell it was all over.

There’s nothing I can do but move on from this situation and from you. I want someone who can accept all of…

I know u have read all my posts. All i want ia for you to talk to me. Just respond. Please. You have hurt me beyond what i even thought was possible. My life revolved around you. I didn't wven speak without thinking about you first. The exact opposite of what u did. All i wanted was to feel like you respected me.

Maybe it's that my pain matched yours, maybe it's the connection I felt to you a year ago. I can't look at you. I still have this stupid draw to you and I hate it. I still hope you'll find me.

You're mean to me, you told me you could never see us together. Maybe I just don't like rejection? I've been rejected before…

Not just best friends but partners. Staying up all night talking until you passed out on the phone. Now I can’t be up past 11 without thinking of you for hours before passing out. Thank you for the happy birthday. Maybe in the next life.