Unsent text message to Jesse

I had to remove you and block you on everything. Talking to you is a complete waste of time. You used to be a good friend but I don’t even recognize you anymore. Keep playing father to a bunch of teenagers and young 20 somethings with “parent problems” because you have a savior complex. You’re 38 and some of these…

I keep asking what I could do to communicate with me or where I can drive to to see you what I can do to make this work. But I see there’s nothing I could do. It’s the problem I hope you and your little family and your life is great wherever you are I’m sorry. Really sorry I won’t ask you to talk to me or communicate…

I keep getting this thing. “You don’t know me, you don’t know me”. Well no **** Sherlock. How can I know you when you thwarted my every attempt at trying to do so? You led me down false roads that led to fake doors and it was all in the name of…what exactly?

I know some of you. I think more than anything, you hate when…

I used to be mad for so long with you and dealing with someone else in my life recently has shown me that it’s all been a big waste of energy. I’ll be so glad to walk away from this job and this town and state. Arkansas was never meant for me. I’ll be glad to start a new life without either of you. Sure there was some…

I do everything I can for you. I give you my whole heart, my love, my time, and everything I have, yet somehow I’m still left feeling unwanted, unloved, and so alone. I want you, all of you. I want your love, your affection, your attention, your intimacy, and to feel like you actually want me the way I want you. But…

Today I need you to get the hell out of my head. My quiet moments shouldn’t be in a time that wasn’t even the same for you. Now has actual opportunity and yet I can’t lie to myself. ****