Unsent text message to Nicole

Therapy is hard on a good day. On a bad day, it's impossible not to be flooded with overwhelming grief about everything lost with the end of us.

This time last year my heart was filled with joy seeing both our families sitting around the big table. In our spooky house that was filled with the *********** of everyone…

I keep thinking about how ridiculous it is that we love each other so much and somehow ended up here.

I know what happened. I know we hurt each other. I know we can't go back.

But sometimes I wonder what would happen if we just stopped being so ******* scared of each other. And tried to go forward.

I'm happy, you know…

I did hope I would share this victory with you. But ill celebrate this win alone. Things weren't really working out. But this today proved then when I really go after something I can succeed. So, the next thing I want is a relationship with my kids. Not a female. Females will come because I've been hitting the gym and…

Rotting, I still look for you. I still feel what you feel deeply. The wizard in me wants to make it all better, the realist knows there is no world left that exists where I get what I desire. The optimist in me thinks we can save them. But who came for me? Who was there when we fell all those times. They were all…

Was taking advantage of the fact I cared until the point you're just another improperly reared being of misinterpreted understanding? Enjoy your human trafficked act you call life.

I got terrible sleep last night. I was up until 2:30am unable to sleep because I am sick and couldn’t breathe. And then I got up at 6am and handled life things all day, work and stuff. And now, I need, genuinely NEED a good night of sleep. And I never told you this bc I think it’d be a weird thing to say, and I want…