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Ashton,
I have said it before, numerous times now, that I've constantly had this suspicion that you have written to me, but I also admit that it's not only possible, but more likely, that it's not you. It's the shear number of coincidences and the length it has gone on that gives me pause on accepting the latter.
More recently there were many, many, of these incidents on UL. One that came to mind was in a post awhile back, shortly after I had reached out, saying: "like I would trust my heart in your trembling, clumsy, hands".
Most everyone that knows me is aware I have those tremors that make my hands shake, very obvious at times. I don't know a lot of people that are young-ish that have hands that shake like that. But then I wonder if it's Danielle, because when we first met in person and I was trying to fix her computer I had a bunch of crap in my hands and kept dropping stuff lol. It was a running joke between the two of us.
If I get even slightly nervous, or excited, or have attention drawn to my hands for something like signing for something, handing something to someone, the tremor is magnified ten fold.
It's just another one of those mind bugs that digs in and won't go away for awhile. I doubt I'll ever know the truth of it, but what I'm grateful for today is that I am learning to accept that. It doesn't bother me as much as it has in the past.
I believe I'm always going to want you, miss you, and regret that we had the potential to be something amazing and we blew it. I continue to pray that we'll get a proper chance at things again, but I also pray that if not, I find someone that makes those feelings for you finally fade into the background, rarely to ever pop up. God knows I need it, and I am so ready for a teammate. If you ever came across my words for you, just know that you were loved unconditionally. It just took me a long time to deal with my own shortcomings and realize I wasn't good at displaying it while we were together.
Justin
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