Unsent text message to Caleb

I find it hard to hate someone in general let alone a person who was apart of everything good & bad throughout years of my life. I know it isn't the same for everyone, but even if I had a million reasons I would still find the few good parts & dwell on them instead because truth be told they saved my life in a lot of…

I'm getting a car!!!!!!!

I don't care, I'm excited.

Moving on up, slowly.

Already told you about it, but I'll send you pictures…

D, I'm just so angry and embarrassed at my anger. Angry that you can still impact my emotional state with your actions. I just wish this was all over, I wish that I never had to interact with you ever again.

You told me that I would wish I was de*d by the end of this, you told me I should just do the world a favor.

You…

I know you probably don’t want me to reach out so it’s safer to spill my thoughts here.

I think about you in the mornings as I make my coffee, when I go on my walks, when I’m doing mundane tasks, when I’m out with friends, all the time. I miss the version of you I created in my head.

I’m sorry I was too clingy and…

And I guess that’s the answer I was looking for all this while. I don’t care how eager you are to know my personal life, or how comfortable you feel to share your personal life, I don’t think our relationship is really built on trust. But if can’t feel comfortable to any of my plans and just make up excuses to avoid…

Unlike you, who would rather us dance in the liminal about the state and future of our relationship, I’m opting out and leaving you.

Not for other people. But because I don’t want to be with YOU, somebody who prefers periods of ghosting to fixing our relationship problems.

I just can’t keep trusting that you’ll change…