iMessage
I used to love Fridays. I always looked forward to whatever you came up with. Now all it does is remind me of your absence. I wonder to myself what you do now. Are you just by yourself, or have you found someone else to fill in for me. I guess I’ll never know.
I hate that I created this. If I had been upfront, you might still be in my life. I would still be able to tell you all the things that have happened. Everything has been so chaotic and I’ve caught myself about to message you on instinct far too many times. It just makes me realize how much you meant to me. How much I relied on your presence and support. But you won’t know that now, and it’s my fault.
I know you told me not to look for you, but I guess that’s another lie I told. I found you, and you look so happy in those wedding photos. It’s strange to see you with all those people I know. Seeing you with all of those other connections I’ve severed. I really hope you’re happy. I hope you see them and enjoy the time with them. Like I said, your secret is safe with me.
I can’t help but think about the lost opportunity. What we were going to be, what we would do, and all the fun and joy we were going to share. I think I miss the friendship the most. Just having you there, confiding in you, laughing, crying, talking about little man and the girls. I loved those times and all the others. I grieve all the plans we had, and it makes me wonder. I wonder if you miss me at all, if you found someone else to take the loan, if you found a replacement for cards, if you still eat in your car, if still listen during those 13 minutes, or if I was anything to you.
In a way, I hope you’ve moved on. I hope you’re with someone better than me. That you’re happy and doing everything we talked about. I know you blame yourself, but you never tempted me. I can see it was my fault. My choices led to this, and now I have to accept the consequences. I have to deal with seeing you on instagram, knowing you’re moving on, and I’m glad. Tell the Pokémon trainer hello, and that I wish things had worked out. I’m sorry, and I wish I could still see you Saturday. If you ever move back up here in the future, look me up. Hopefully I’ll be in a better place. I truly hope you’re happy, and I wish you nothing but the best.
Message Unsent